Women's Community Counsellor
January 2007
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You Can Be Happy If You Decide to Be
Well, the holidays are over and you’re probably feeling
generally burned out by all the excess- too much socializing, too
much family, too much food and drink, too much money spent…and
the list goes on. The holidays, while mostly enjoyable, can also
bring about a real ‘letdown’ feeling when they’re
over. We often feel blue, out-of-sorts, and lacking direction and
focus. So what do we do to feel more ‘together’ and ‘in
control’ after such a time? We make resolutions! You know
the drill: I will lose 10 pounds in the next three months, I will
be kinder to my partner, I’ll stick to a strict budget, etc.
Well, I’ve got another one to add to your New Year’s
Resolutions list and it’s number one on mine and that is:
I WILL BE MORE POSITIVE IN MY THINKING IN ORDER TO ATTRACT WHAT
I REALLY WANT.
Did I make this idea up? I wish…No, this concept is filtering
into all of our brains on a daily basis and is ‘all the rage’ these
days. It’s trendy. It’s fashionable. And yes, it can
lead to the attainment of a fabulous wardrobe. And that’s
not all…
The entire concept solidified for me the other night while watching
a film a colleague loaned me called, “The Secret” (you
can find it online at: http://thesecret.tv/home.html). While very
Hollywood and at times, downright cheesy, the basic message is
very good. In short, it’s all about “the law of attraction” which
states that what we focus on in our minds is what we get. I utilise
this concept extensively in my self-help book, “Dump That
Chump” (http://www.dumpthatchump.com) to help women let go
of toxic relationship patterns and attract their ideal partner.
In short, what we tell ourselves about what is possible for us
to attain, is what we draw to us.
For example, if we believe that all men are jerks and that they
really do come from Mars; that’s the kind of guys we’ll
attract. On the other hand, if we believe that there is a multitude
of decent, kind, loving, and emotionally available men out there
just waiting to meet someone fabulous like ourselves, those are
the kind of guys that we’ll attract. I like how Marianne
Williamson, an expert on the Course In Miracles puts it: She says
that we essentially send out psychic ‘radar’ to potential
partners letting them know what and who we’re looking for
and that “when we get serious, the Universe takes us seriously.”
Other great thinkers call it, “being in the flow”;
you know that feeling when you’re doing what you love and
everything is just so easy and seems to fall into place and you
feel warm and fuzzy inside and feel connected to everything and
everyone around you…that’s what I’m talking
about. That’s exactly the feeling I have right now as I write
this. I feel lit up inside, thrilled about sharing what I know
with others, totally connected to my purpose, and knowing deep
in my heart that I am using the gifts the Creator gave me. It’s
a fabulous feeling and a lot better for my health than a chocolate
bar!
I’m sure you’ve had similar moments and my guess is
that you want to have more of them. We all do. How can it be done,
you ask? BY CHANGING OUR THINKING. You see, we learn a lot of things
in school, but something sadly lacking in the curriculum is how
to think properly. I feel that as a society, the majority of us
suffer from what they call in 12-step groups, “stinking thinking”.
We are constantly telling ourselves negative things about who we
are and what we can achieve. A lot of this is unconscious and we
don’t even realise we’re doing it. I mean, who in their
right mind would consciously sabotage themselves hundreds of times
a day and continue to feel unfulfilled and not get what they really
want out of life?
Examples of stinking thinking I hear every day from clients are
things like:
“I know my partner treats me badly, but all guys are like
that”.
“I really want to work for myself and get out of this horrible
job I’m in and do what I’m really passionate about,
but that’s not realistic- I have bills to pay.”
“I’ve always wanted to take dance lessons but I totally
suck at dancing and I’m too old now to do that anyway.”
And what do we end up getting when we put such messages out to
the Universe? Exactly what we put out there. In The Secret, they
say that we create our own reality through our thoughts- this is
not a new idea as many famous philosophers, scientists, and mystics
have been saying this for thousands of years. And yet, so many
of us ignore this basic truth and keep ourselves stuck by ‘playing
small’ in life and not asking for too much. God forbid, we
should be successful, happy, healthy, and full of love.
I know this way of being all too well as I come from a family
and a culture where suffering is almost next to Godliness. The
fodder for most conversation focuses on how bad one’s health
is, or the horrible state of the world and how uncaring the human
race is, etc. I soaked up these messages very early on and walked
around with my head down, being ever so serious (I’m still
working on that one), and feeling the weight of the world on my
shoulders.
But lately, I’ve had an epiphany and that is that my suffering
and focusing on the negatives doesn’t help myself or anyone
else live a better life, clean up the environment, stop wars and
killing, or end poverty. It just ends up depressing the hell out
of me (and everyone around me) and leaves me feeling hopeless and
apathetic. When you’re feeling depressed and hopeless, chances
are you’re not going to have much ‘get up and go’ to
change things for the positive on a global level.
I find that an old adage comes in very handy for bringing about
the positive changes we desire in ourselves and in the world around
us and that is: FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. Act as if you have whatever
it is you want RIGHT NOW even in the face of contrary evidence.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference- it believes what
you tell it to be true.
In this vein, I leave some homework to start off your New Year
on a positive and affirming note:
On an index card, write down five positive affirmations to attract
things you want in your life and write them as if they have already
manifested in your life. For example, “I am fit and healthy.
Every day I become healthier and stronger in my body and my mind.”
Read your affirmations out loud once in the morning upon awakening
and once before bed so they set your day and then summarize your
day and soak deeply into your unconscious.
Do this for three months and see what happens! You’ll be
amazed.
Happy thinking!
* * *
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* * *
Esther Kane, MSW, RCC relocated to the Comox Valley over
two years ago from Vancouver. She is in full-time private practise
as a psychotherapist in Courtenay.
Esther has over a decade of experience counselling women and their
loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus
is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck
so that they can become all that they dream of being. To book a
session or to set up a free 15-minute phone consultation, call
Esther at 250.338.1800. Or e-mail her at: esther@estherkane.com.
You can check out her detailed website at: www.estherkane.com.
Books she has written can be found at:
www.dumpthatchump.com
www.guidebooktowomanhood.com
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