Women's Community Counsellor
Inspiring and Empowering You To Become
Even More Fabulous
June 2007
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In This Issue
Welcome
Well, spring
has definitely sprung and the air smells like lilacs (at least
where I live). It’s time to focus on fun and outdoor activities.
I hope you are doing just that! This month’s featured article
should make you feel better about putting on your bathing suit
this season. I say show off your beautiful fab self and luxuriate
in being a woman. Read more to find out how…
Featured Article: Resisting Media Hype
Who would have thought that there would come a day when my mother
and me would meet as two strong, healthy, and brilliant women;
delighting in each other’s company and challenging and supporting
each other in the quest to make our individual and collective dreams
come true?
Certainly not me. There was a time (not so long ago)
that I was in the throes of a life threatening eating disorder-
a time when the chasm between mother and daughter seemed insurmountable.
She wanted desperately to help but didn’t know how. I needed
help but didn’t have a clue about how to ask for it.
Fast-forward
fifteen years to the present. Today I am a successful psychotherapist
who empowers women who feel stuck to rid themselves of the chains
that bind them into self-destructive behavior patterns- mostly
in the form of eating disorders. At the age of 36, I am in awe
of the life I have now and am blown away by how far I’ve
come on my journey to health and well being. Free of an eating
disorder which once consumed me for many of my young years, the
hell that used to be my life way back when, seems now like a distant
memory. Now I help others who are where I used to be…I never
in my wildest dreams would have imagined the life I have now back
then…
It’s a sunny, muggy Ontario spring morning as
I step into the airporter bus from my mother’s driveway,
choking back tears. I have just spent the past five days with
a woman I find increasingly wise and fascinating, who also happened
to give me the gift of life.
We have both come so far and enjoy
celebrating our successes as women. It seems fitting to me that
I have just spent such a pleasant and healing time with my mother
directly after attending a conference in Toronto put on by NEDIC
(National Eating Disorder Information Centre). The conference title
was, “Shades of Grey: Body Image and Self-Esteem” and
was the first of its kind in Canada.
While the topic of disordered
eating is vast, I will limit myself to one facet for the purposes
of this article. I plan on elaborating on many others in future
so stay tuned...
One issue that always pops up in my therapy work
with clients experiencing disordered eating is how the media makes
them feel bad about themselves by projecting an ideal beauty standard
that is impossible for us to attain. To help women increase feelings
of self-worth, I encourage clients to become ‘media savvy’,
so that they can become critical of the messages they are being
sent which are aimed to sell products, not to help women feel good
about themselves.
On this note, I will highlight one of the keynote
presentations from the NEDIC conference entitled, “Re-shaping
Reality: Media Impact on Body Image and Self-Esteem” by Shari
Graydon. Shari was the President of Mediawatch for many years;
an invaluable resource which empowers Canadian citizens to speak
up and out against harmful advertising. She has written two fabulous
books in this vain, which I urge you to check out on her website:
www.sharigraydon.com.
Here is a summary of the presentation she
gave at the conference:
- Media messages don’t cause eating disorders (or we’d
all be suffering), but they fuel insecurities and nurture vulnerable
mindsets.
- It’s natural to want to be attractive, but
despite the impression created by commercial media, there’s
no single definition of beauty.
- The beauty industry wants
us to feel lousy about the way we look; they benefit when we
believe we’re
in need of a makeover or constant improvement.
- The emphasis
on thin ideals for women, and muscular physiques for men reflects
fundamental power issues, reinforcing on a subtle level the notion
that women should take up as little space as possible.
- The
media ideals we’re surrounded by are physically unattainable;
they’ve
been so significantly art directed and Photo-shopped that not
even the models featured can achieve the degree of perfection
represented.
- Suffering is optional. We can choose not to buy
into appearance myths; instead of doing battle with our own bodies,
we can fight destructive media practices.
- The less time we
spend immersed in commercial media, the less exposure we have
to messages designed to undermine us, and the less likely we
are to consciously or unconsciously judge ourselves inadequate
for failing to measure up to unattainable ideals.
- We have
the power to decline to consume products that in any way promote
irresponsible attitudes and behavior, to encourage our friends
and colleagues and communities to do the same. We can make media
producers responsible for the toxic material they are disseminating
through the power of complaint; we can communicate our decisions
not to embrace media, products and services that do physical,
psychological, emotional or environmental damage.
- We can cultivate
the assets that really count: focus on what we can do and how
we can contribute, as opposed to how we appear.
To start letting go of the power the media has over how you feel
about yourself, I’ll leave you with five things you can do
to take your power back and increase feelings of self-worth:
- Stop buying fashion and beauty magazines and instead, buy
reading material that makes you feel good instead. For instance,
I buy spiritually enlightening and socially conscious magazines.
- Find alternative media that celebrates women instead of
demoralizes them. Some magazines I particularly like are BUST
and Herizons.
- Watch less television and Hollywood movies!
These mediums of ‘entertainment’ glorify
a very narrow definition of female beauty and success and promote
low self-worth to their viewers. Instead, find a relatively obscure
foreign film or a low-budget documentary that focuses on who
we are inside; not what we look like on the outside.
- Make
one day out of the week a “no make-up day”. C’mon-
rebel a little against the fascist beauty ideal you’re
expected to live up to. Bask in the delightfulness of a nude
face!
- Wear something that makes you feel beautiful, confident,
and sexy; regardless of whether it follows current fashion dictates.
Enjoy being a fully alive, healthy woman in whatever shape and
size you happen to come in.
And if all else fails, say this mantra that I learned at the conference
over and over again:
I AM MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU SEE.
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About Esther Kane, MSW,
Registered Clinical Counsellor
Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is in full-time
private practise as a psychotherapist in Courtenay, B.C. Esther
has over a decade of experience counselling women and their loved
ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus is
helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck
so that they can become all that they dream of being.
To book a
session or to set up a free 15-minute phone consultation (only
if you reside in the Comox Valley or surrounding areas), call Esther
at (250) 338-1800.
To learn more about Esther’s services,
please visit her website and read glowing testimonials from many
satisfied clients, www.estherkane.com.
Please note: due to
the high volume of e-mails received, Esther only replies to potential
therapy clients and the media.
Books by Esther
"WHAT
YOUR MAMA CAN'T OR WON'T TEACH YOU: GROWN WOMEN'S STORIES OF THEIR
TEEN YEARS"
”Esther Kane, MSW, RCC, has collected a
delightful set of stories in her book, “What Your Mama Can’t
or Won’t Teach You: Grown Women’s Stories of Their
Teen Years.” The voices of 20 women are interweaved with
each other to create a conversation-like book of women talking
about their early struggles. The issues discussed are diverse and
cover so many things that affected the way they grew into adults.
Their insight back into what shaped them the most is sometimes
funny, other times heartbreaking and often poignant. Esther interviewed
these women on topics that she asked her teen clients they would
most like to read about. What amassed is wisdom from a generation
of women who survived and are willing to share their experiences
to the youth of today.”
- Lori Henry, Eating Disorders Writer,
Suite101.com
To find out more about the book, go to: www.guidebooktowomanhood.com
"DUMP THAT CHUMP: A Ten-step plan for ending bad relationships
and attracting the fabulous partner you deserve"
”This
is a well written and easy to follow guide for all women that struggle
to find that perfect match for a lifetime relationship. The information
you will gain will help strengthen your understanding in how very
important positive self-talk is: it will strengthen your ability
to not repeat wrong decisions in regards to relationship choices.
It will also show you how that phrase, "settling",
is not and should not be acceptable to you. You will learn that
settling for someone or something eventually drowns your own
ideas of what you deserve in life as far as a partner is concerned.
People choose to settle because it is safer, more predictable,
easier to control and a lot less challenging than actually striving
for more.
The
author uses this very powerful phrase to help you look at the core
of your bad decisions, "What You Expect Is What You Get".
If you expect nothing then you will get nothing. DTC will also teach
you how to retrain your mind so that you can get to know yourself
through positive self-acceptance. To know and understand who you
are is a definite key in helping you to make the correct choice
in relationships. Lets face it, no one wants to be stuck in a bad
relationship.
Womensselfesteem.com highly
recommends, ”Dump
That Chump” as a very good source book in opening your eyes
to the many reasons that we end up in failed relationships!”
-Review
by Dorothy of Womensselfesteem.com
To find out more about the book,
go to: www.dumpthatchump.com
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