Question: I lay here tonight feeling very alone- husband is working away- but also because I’ve been ill with shingles for the past month. My husband has been home through the roughest part of it, but I still feel very alone with my pain. I had this thought: Through my whole marriage I have been alone in this relationship- right from day one. During this last illness as I lay in bed in unbearable pain, keeping my tears quiet to avoid keeping him awake, all I could think was: He doesn’t care. Why do I feel like I’ve faced every struggle alone? It’s because I have. My quandary is this: my husband is well liked by family, coworkers, and friends. […]
If you’ve been reading my writing lately, you’ve probably noticed that narcissism is on my mind- in particular- figuring out how to help people deal with narcissists effectively, as they are the most slippery of snakes to handle. I thought I could help readers more by tackling what I see as the most prominent feature of being a susceptible target of a narcissist- being a VICTIM. How are they related, you ask? Well, let’s just say that you may not even know what a narcissist is (nor care) if you feel strong and empowered and don’t take abuse from anyone. You see, people that see themselves as ‘victims’ of other people’s behaviours are at higher risk for being treated badly […]
The photo above was taken a few blocks from my house where I take my daily walks. Because I am blessed to live by the ocean, one of the sights I get to take in on almost a daily basis is people of all ages flying kites and others attempts to be a human kite- like the gentleman in the photo with the paraglider. I have spent quite a bit of time watching people attempting to catch the perfect gust of wind so that they will be magically lifted up into the sky and then sent to float blissfully above the ocean. How often have I seen them actually catch that gust of wind and take off? Once. And how […]
On a sunny spring day recently, I was lost in sea of dark thoughts and feeling stuck emotionally and thought that a nice walk around my neighbourhood would help shift things. As soon as I got out my front door, I was met with the magnificent sight of cherry blossoms from all the gorgeous blooming trees. The petals were gently falling to the ground, creating the effect of a sweet smelling pink snow all around me. Then came the flowers. Since it’s my first spring living in Victoria, I cannot possibly describe in words how magnificent the flowers here are. Suffice it to say, it’s like living in a children’s wonderland full of bright, happy colours sprinkled all over the […]
One of the most common questions I hear from clients is this: EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO “LOVE MYSELF” BUT WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE AND HOW DO I DO IT? I’ll begin with my favourite quote on self-love, which comes from Lucille Ball: Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. I couldn’t agree more with her on this one. However, her quote doesn’t offer any clues about how to love oneself in the first place. I’m not going to pretend that there is some quick and easy answer to this daunting question, but I have put a lot of time, thought, and study into this particular quandry so […]
I’ve been thinking a lot about worry lately- or, to be more precise- I’ve been plagued by worry a lot lately. And as fate would have it, so have many of my clients. Being a Highly Sensitive Person(HSP for short) and working with so many HSP’s in my practice, I am keenly aware that one of the major downsides to having this personality is the tendency to be anxious a lot of the time. I’ve written about conquering anxiety before and if you haven’t read these, feel free to check them out, as they may prove helpful to you: Conquering the Worry Monster Ask Esther: How Can I Conquer Anxiety? Stage fright Fear of Public Speaking I’ve done a lot […]
In my last article, I wrote about using anger as fuel and offered an exercise to help you move your anger up, through, and out so that you can then become proactive about the things you feel strongly and most passionate about. I also touched on the recent rise of ‘Trumpism’ in the USA and how outraged citizens are rising up to fight against this huge threat to democracy. I have been following US therapists closely to get their take on the whole situation and was pleased to find one of my family therapy idols, William Doherty on the forefront and taking serious action. Doherty has started a huge collaboration of psychotherapists in the US against Trumpism called Citizen Therapists […]
I am writing this article because so many of my clients have mentioned recently that they are seeking tools to deal with anger in healthy and constructive ways. With each client, I shared the concept of a ‘rant letter’ I came up with many years ago that has worked miraculously for so many women I’ve worked with. And after sharing it so much lately, I realized I have never officially put it into writing and shared it with you, my dear readers. So I am sharing this with you in the hopes that you will find it a useful and life-changing tool to work with anger when it arises and enjoy some really positive outcomes as a result. One thing […]
A seasoned psychotherapist shares helpful tips on how to stop doing things you don’t want to do because you’re afraid to say “no”.
A therapist offers hope in troubling times and tools for diminishing fear and hatred and replacing it with compassion, peace, and love.