You must clean the sink (I go to wipe sink)…
OWWWWCH! (back spasms and I am immobilized standing in the kitchen standing helplessly in front of the sink)
Holy crap! I can’t even move right now…well, maybe if I just try to stretch my arm to the sink…
OWWWWWWWCH! (new wave of back spasms and now tears fall down my cheeks from the pain)
This was me recently during another one of my “back attacks”- I figure I have one about every 2-3 months. They are excruciatingly painful and stop me dead in my tracks, no matter how busy I am or how much I have to do- this pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe. After all, I am a Taurus, stubborn and strong-willed to say the least. Add to that a type A personality and you can imagine what happens inside my head when my body breaks down and forces me to stop, and God forbid, REST.
I’m good at a lot of things- cooking, writing, and being a therapist, knitting and many more things. However, when it comes to doing nothing, I am very unskilled, uncomfortable, and well, pretty darn useless. In fact, doing nothing scares me. I really don’t like the feeling of having nothing to do and nowhere to go. It makes me anxious and uneasy- to the point where I make sure it doesn’t happen on a regular basis. I am forever making “to do” lists, running around all over the place being busy, and even making extra projects for myself to keep myself from sitting still. For example, I make almost all of my own body scrubs, face moisturizers, leg wax, and face masks from scratch. I tell myself it’s because I like things to be ‘all natural’, but if I’m really honest with myself, I think it gives me one more thing TO DO.
But that wise old Universe of ours has a different plan for me it seems. I’m starting to believe that the message is: SLOW DOWN. STOP DOING SO MUCH. REST AND RELAX. That message is so freaky to me that I do everything I can within my power to resist listening to its wisdom. So I rush around ignoring my body’s need to slow down and rest on a regular basis. And after a month or so of doing that, BANG! My back goes out and I have no choice but to sit still. Even when I am completely immobilized with back pain, I still try and go for walks (a recent attempt at this ended up with me getting even worse and not being able to lift a fork to my mouth to eat my lunch). I still tell myself, “It’s not that bad. I can go to my hot yoga class”. After spending about half an hour slowly putting my things together to go, I am in so much pain I have to sit with an ice pack on my back and do nothing for another hour and I’m bummed about missing my beloved yoga class.
But even being as stubborn and completely unrealistic as I can be at times like these, I am starting to see some growth in the slowing down and taking it easy realm. For example, I actually made an appointment to see a chiropractor after my massage therapist hounded me to do so for over a year and I actually heard her when she said, “This may be more serious than something I can treat with massage.”
Also, I managed to skip yoga class for an entire week during the last back attack which is an absolute miracle (I try and go four times a week). And guess what? Nothing horrible happened. I got a bit bored looking at the same four walls at home and I felt a bit lonely (I adore socializing with my yoga buddies on a regular basis).
And lastly, I actually ENJOYED resting a wee bit. I got to cuddle with my two adorable kitty cats and snuggle up under a blanket and just lounge– that is a very new concept to me. It felt somehow deviant and I felt a bit guilty for not being ‘productive’, but I also think it has helped me be more productive in the long-run.
- What is your body telling you?
- Do you listen to your body?
- Are you running on empty?
- Do you need to slow down? If so, how could you do that?
- You may actually enjoy it!
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