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Esther Kane

MSW, RSW, RCC

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My Greatest Enemy- Myself: How to Become Your Own Best Friend

3 December 2019 by Esther Kane

Many moons ago, when I was doing my internship as a therapist, something a wise professor of mine said hit home. He was referring to a story about an interview with a 90+-year-old famous therapist, who when asked, “In your 50+ years of being a therapist, how would you sum up what you see as the number one problem people present in sessions?’ 

His answer: 

“They’re too darn hard on themselves.”  

Having been a therapist myself for over two decades now, I’d have to agree wholeheartedly with that assessment. I’d say that no matter what the ‘presenting problem’ may be with a single client, when we dig a little deeper, we inevitably arrive at a poor sense of self and the false belief that they are somehow deficient and don’t measure up as a human being. In other words, they are their own worst enemy. I also struggle with this even though I have spent countless hours consciously revamping this false belief. It’s a hard thing to turn around but with enough perseverance and hard work, it can be done. 

In this vein, I want to share a remarkable poem about this exact phenomenon written over 100 years ago- in 1887 by First Nations Lakota Chief Yellow Lark called “Oh Great Spirit Prayer” . The following are what I feel are the most poignant words contained within which I’m guessing you can relate to: 

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother, 
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.  

I’m amazed that people struggled with this exact issue so very long ago. Perhaps they were lucky enough to have this poem to remind them how to let it go and find more peace. I hope you enjoy it and that it acts as a soothing balm on your soul.  

Oh, Great Spirit, 
whose voice I hear in the winds 
and whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me. 
I am small and weak. 
I need your strength and wisdom. 

Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes 
ever behold the red and purple sunset. 
Make my hands respect the things you have made 
and my ears sharp to hear your voice. 
Make me wise so that I may understand 
the things you have taught my people. 
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden 
in every leaf and rock. 

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother, 
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself. 
Make me always ready to come to you 
with clean hands and straight eyes, 
so when life fades, as the fading sunset, 
my spirit will come to you 
without shame. 

How Can I Become my Own Best Friend? 

At this point, you may be thinking, “That poem sure hit home- I can totally relate to being my own worst enemy- so how do I change that?” 

It’s one thing to be aware of the fact that you’re being hard on yourself, it’s entirely another to turn that bus around and practice self-compassion and kindness towards oneself. Luckily, I’m full of good ideas! Read some of my other blog posts to get some ideas on how to befriend your own dear self: 

The power of positive thinking- turning a Vicious Cycle into a Luscious Cycle 

Esther’s Recommended Reading: Outwitting Your Inner Critic 

A practice to increase self-love: tending to your ‘inner orphan’ 

Esther Recommends: Self-Compassion 

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Esther’s therapy office is located in Victoria, BC. Video and telephone appointments available. To set up a FREE 15-minute phone consultation, contact me online or call 778.265.6190.

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