Because everybody learns differently, I have made this information into a YouTube video, podcast and written blog post. I present them in this order. Enjoy!
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Recently, I revisited one of the most popular episodes of the Compassionate Conversations podcast with my dear friend Maryanne Pope, a fellow highly sensitive person (HSP) and writer. That original episode focused on noise sensitivity, something many HSPs struggle with deeply. Find the original episode here.
This conversation became a follow-up of sorts, shaped not just by theory, but by real life circumstances that forced both of us to confront our limits in very embodied ways.
A Tiny Home, Big Noise, and the Irony of Escape
If you’re watching the video version of this conversation, you’ll notice I’m not in my usual office. I was in Toronto for the month of November, caring for my mother who has advanced dementia, while also dealing with the fact that my home office had been stripped down to the studs due to a severe mold infestation.
I thought coming to Toronto would give me some relief from noise. Instead, I landed in the noisiest place I’ve ever lived.
The tiny home I was staying in is about 350 square feet, and every sound is amplified. There were constant trains shaking the walls, dogs barking relentlessly, children shrieking at the nearby schoolyard, ongoing construction, and two young boys next door who used the side of the house as a hockey practice wall, somehow always timing it perfectly with my client sessions.
What surprised me most was realizing that my noise sensitivity wasn’t as narrow as I once thought. I believed I was only sensitive to “people noise.” Living in this environment showed me that repetitive, unpredictable, invasive sound of any kind can be dysregulating for my nervous system.
For HSPs, sound doesn’t just register as sound. It lands in the body.
Maryanne on Traveling as an HSP in a Noisy World
Maryanne joined me from the road. At the time of our conversation, she had been traveling for nearly three months. As an HSP, a writer, and someone who lives alone, traveling with a companion for such a long stretch turned out to be a profound sensory and relational experiment.
Budget travel often means noisy accommodations, thin walls, traffic, construction, and constant stimulation. Maryanne shared how she manages this as someone who is extremely sensitive to external noise:
- Earplugs
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Soothing music layered underneath
- A white noise machine (a tip she credits me for)
This layering of protection is not indulgent. It’s adaptive. It’s what allows an HSP nervous system to function in a loud world.
Noise Sensitivity Isn’t Just About Sound
One of the most important insights Maryanne shared was this: noise sensitivity isn’t only about what we hear, it’s about what interrupts our internal processing.
As writers and deep thinkers, we don’t stop working when we step away from the desk. Our minds are still metabolizing ideas when we walk, do dishes, practice yoga, or stare out a window. For HSPs especially, this quiet integration time is essential.
When that space is constantly interrupted by conversation, questions, or stimulation, irritation can build quickly. Not because we don’t love people, but because our nervous systems require uninterrupted time to process experience.
Many HSPs don’t realize how much of their overwhelm comes not from the work itself, but from never having the space to digest it.
Introversion, Extroversion, and Misunderstood Energy
Maryanne and I also reflected on how misleading labels like “introvert” and “extrovert” can be. Maryanne can be incredibly social, animated, and outgoing, until she’s done. Then she disappears happily into solitude. I love people deeply too, but my capacity is more limited.
For many HSPs, it’s not about disliking people. It’s about dosage.
When Smell Becomes the Breaking Point
As a bonus, we ended our conversation by touching on another sensory sensitivity that often gets overlooked: smell.
Maryanne shared a story about staying in a rental in Milan that was saturated with an overwhelming chemical air freshener smell, likely used to cover up mold. The odor was so intense that she chose traffic noise over the smell, despite her extreme noise sensitivity.
Eventually, she made the call to leave, even though it meant losing money. Her traveling companion had compromised lung capacity and began coughing severely. At that point, it was no longer about comfort. It was about health.
And this is where something powerful emerged.
The Quiet Power of Agency
Many highly sensitive people freeze, endure, or minimize their needs. We don’t want to be “difficult.” We don’t want to offend. We tolerate substandard situations longer than we should.
But as Maryanne demonstrated, and as I’m learning myself, sensitivity does not mean passivity.
Advocacy doesn’t require aggression. Boundaries don’t require cruelty. Using your voice doesn’t mean you stop being kind.
Sometimes, especially post-menopause (there’s a joke in there for those who know), clarity arrives with force. What’s not working becomes undeniable.
And maybe that’s the invitation here.
A Gentle Question for You
If you’re highly sensitive, introverted, or someone whose nervous system needs more care than the world typically allows, I’ll leave you with this:
Where in your life are you tolerating something that is quietly harming you?
And what would it look like to use your voice, calmly and clearly, to take a stand?
You are not meant to be a doormat.
Even if your voice is quiet, it still matters.
Thank you for being here and for listening.
