One topic that comes up in my practice at least once a week or more is dealing with a loved one who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). You may have read an earlier article I wrote on borderline mothers and how to cope with them. In my opinion, the best online resource for people in this situation is The Welcome to Oz Online Community for Family Members with a Borderline Loved One which was founded by Randi Kreger in 1995.
Kreger has written ground-breaking books about dealing with someone with BPD which include: Stop Walking on Eggshells, The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook, and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. If you are trying to cope with someone in your immediate circle with BPD, I highly recommend you purchase all three of these incredibly helpful resources. Each one goes over something different, and the last one is my personal favourite-The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder– because over half the book is dedicated to teaching the non-BP to take good care of themselves; something I am constantly working with my clients on who find themselves in these incredibly difficult situations.
Here are some of my personal favourites from the chapter entitled: Power Tool 1: Take Good Care of yourself:
- Work through your own anger towards the BPD in a healthy way- by writing letters to him or her that you don’t send (I always advise this one to clients who are angry with somebody!)
- Practise acceptance by acknowledging the three c’s (from Al-Anon): I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.
- Laughter is the best medicine
- Get your sleep
- Lead a full life regardless of what the BPD in your life is doing
And lastly, I love this reminder: “Just like running uses up a lot of calories, having a borderline loved one takes a great deal of mental and emotional energy. Self-care replenishes that energy.”
If you want a more in-depth look at the woman behind these amazing books for people who have loved ones suffering from BPD, check out this video of Randi Kreger speaking. I really learned a lot and was incredibly moved by her own personal story as well.
Have you read a self-help book that changed your life for the better?
Do you think my readers would benefit from hearing about it? If so, drop me a line describing the book with it’s full title and author to: estherATestherkane.com.
