Do you fear menopause because of the horror stories you’ve heard? Do you need a fresh and uplifting take on this rite of passage? The following comes from an interview Esther did with Susan Willson, author of Making Sense of Menopause who views this stage of a woman’s life as a ‘higher calling’ to heal unfinished business, find one’s voice, and explore innate wisdom and creativity.
Watch the whole interview:
Listen to the whole interview:
Why we fear Menopause
We don’t talk about it
It wasn’t until relatively recently that we’ve been having more open conversations about menopause: it was shrouded in mystery. It was one of those ‘female things’ that you didn’t really talk about. Just a couple of generations ago, women going through menopause were often institutionalized because they were ‘not themselves’ or were ‘acting strangely’ and people didn’t know what to do with them.
The ‘deification of youth’ in western culture
We live in a culture that glorifies youth and beauty. Practically all fashion media features young, skinny models and women over forty are rarely represented. Many women who have gone through menopause say that they feel “invisible.” Such women don’t see a place for themselves in this environment, and often try to fit in by attempts at looking younger than they are by dying their hair, starving themselves, and even undergoing very costly and often dangerous, cosmetic surgeries to appear youthful.
Despite all of this, Mother Nature has a plan for us as we age and as such, attempts at trying to look much younger are futile. Our bodies undergo huge hormonal shifts which often lead to extra weight and a different body shape than we had before. Everything changes, and instead of chasing youth, we need to face the loss of our younger selves and go through a grieving process. Only then can we fully embrace the many gifts that come with embracing the second half of our lives.
We think our bodies are sick or that we’re going crazy
A lot of the symptoms experienced around menopause, at any other time of life, might be considered symptoms of ‘illness.’ For example, many women experience thyroid problems, as well as depression and anxiety. During perimenopause, health professionals have told women that they have some physical or mental illness, which can lead them to believe that their bodies are somehow betraying them.
Within patriarchy, there is a long and unfortunate history of medicalizing natural bodily processes of women such as menarche, pregnancy, childbirth and menopause. As a result, women often become ‘disembodied’ and are led to believe that we have to rely on so-called “authorities” to understand and manage our bodies. The important thing to remember, however, is that there is nothing wrong with a woman’s body at any stage of life (including menopause), and many of the menopausal symptoms she has will eventually go away. They aren’t permanent.
Taking Back our Power: Reframing Menopause as a Rite of Passage
Menopause as a “crossroads”
When you find yourself at a crossroads, you need to be mindful of which road you choose to follow. If you’re seeing the transition to menopause as one of loss and believe that your youth/life are over and you’ll never have what you used to have, it will be very difficult to face forward with any sense of positivity and purpose.
On the other hand, if you choose to see this stage of life as a transformational journey — even a higher calling to heal what is undone in your life — you won’t be so grief-stricken and depressed about the whole thing. This is a time of life when women either do the work of menopause and move forward and thrive or they start to slowly diminish and fade away.
Why we need to work through unfinished emotional business
Willson calls this the “weight of the undone.” This is the time of life when past traumas and buried emotions come up and out. This can be very scary and yet, it is perfectly natural and normal. A helpful way to look at it is that you are doing some deep house cleaning and junk removal, which is a huge undertaking, takes a lot of time and effort, but ultimately, is worth it in the end, because you have a clean and less cluttered slate to work with.
Many women feel anger and even rage at this stage of life which can be quite unsettling. But there is a higher purpose at work: when going through a big change, anger can be fuel, propelling us forward to become the person we have always wanted to be. It’s a good idea to have a therapist on hand to help you through past traumas and work skillfully with unprocessed emotions.
Many long-term relationships come to an end at this stage of life, due to the metamorphosis a woman goes through. Many discover that their relationship is no longer a fit and won’t be sustainable for the future that they now envision for themselves.
Tell your story and listen to other women’s stories
At this stage of life, many women, often for the first time ever, feel the need to tell their story. It’s so important to find your voice and to use it for healing. This can be extremely empowering and helps to build closer relationships with people you love and to carry a lighter emotional load moving forward.
We also need to hear other women’s voices through listening to uplifting and empowering stories from ‘wise elders’ about how they navigated the menopausal transition and what gifts they have in their life now because of digging deep and doing the hard work that goes into transformation.
Create community or “Meno-Posse”
Search out other women going through the menopausal transition. There are many of these groups on social media, and in-person groups where women meet to learn more about menopause, find helpful resources and support each other. There are even courses one can take which can be empowering and spiritually uplifting such as feminist or mindfulness-based approaches to menopause.
Invite JOY into your life
Lastly, don’t forget to have fun! When most women reach the crossroads of menopause, they have spent decades nurturing and taking care of others, and have not focused much (if at all), on themselves. This is the time to reminisce and remember what you loved to do as a child. What gave you the most pleasure and brought you joy?
Many women take up some type of sport they used to love playing, pick up a musical instrument or play with paints. The sky’s the limit! With the hormonal changes that happen during menopause, the creative centres of the brain are lit up and ready to make magic. Tap into that transformative, life-giving energy!
I truly hope that this post has left you feeling more hopeful, resourced, and empowered as you navigate the menopausal transition. Do your own research to find other helpful resources. Find ways to connect to a wide circle of wise women who have been there and come out the other side healthier, wiser and spiritually transformed. Please feel free to share your thoughts and resources with other women by commenting on this post, as well as sharing it with other women in your life who could benefit.
