At the end of 2017 I was looking forward to a new year and working out some kinks in a long-term relationship with a man whom I adored and loved with my soul. This partnership was like none other I had experienced. I had complete trust in him and faith in love. December 29, 2017 was a life changing date for me. He was away to visit family at Christmas. He came home and within 30 seconds of being in the door he broke up with me. My heart shattered into a million pieces. He told me that my “depression” was too hard on him and he didn’t know how to deal with it since he couldn’t “fix” me. He wanted […]
How You Can Stop Being A Victim
If you’ve been reading my writing lately, you’ve probably noticed that narcissism is on my mind- in particular- figuring out how to help people deal with narcissists effectively, as they are the most slippery of snakes to handle. I thought I could help readers more by tackling what I see as the most prominent feature of being a susceptible target of a narcissist- being a VICTIM. How are they related, you ask? Well, let’s just say that you may not even know what a narcissist is (nor care) if you feel strong and empowered and don’t take abuse from anyone. You see, people that see themselves as ‘victims’ of other people’s behaviours are at higher risk for being treated badly […]
Esther Recommends: Self-Compassion
As usual, I’ve been reading like a madwoman. And if you read my writing regularly, you’ll know that I’m all into self-compassion and it’s amazing benefits. The book I’m about to tell you about was brought to my attention by a like-minded bookworm client who after we talked about self-compassion in a session, ran out and found a fantastic book on the subject! So you can thank this lovely woman for this recommendation. The book is called, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. While I have read a lot about self-compassion, I found this book to be one of the most concrete self-help formats available written in down-to-earth language and containing many useful […]
Menopause as an Initiatory Journey
I recently learned of an incredible woman who lives on a nearby island and holds retreats to guide and initiate women into their menopausal journey using a spiritual perspective. Her name is Bronwyn Simons and she is the founder of Sacred Menopause, which offers online programs and live retreats for women in menopause and beyond. She also writes a fabulous blog that is sure to inspire, uplift, and get your creative juices flowing. I feel that Bronwyn and I are aligned in our fervent belief that menopause needs to be reframed as a life-changing and spiritually transformational journey in women’s lives. Instead of being afraid, we need to fully embrace this hard-won rite of passage from which we can […]
What to do when PMS takes over
PMS is a topic that my clients bring up on a regular basis. It usually goes something like this: they arrive for their appointment, sit down in the chair, immediately start crying, grab some tissue and say, “I’m sorry. I knew this would happen. I’m PMS’g…I’m overly emotional…sorry.” The part that always confuses me is the apology part. I, too, am guilty of apologising to others for being ‘overly emotional’ when I’m kidnapped by my hormones every month and I honestly don’t know why I feel the need, like so many other women, to apologise for feeling my feelings publicly. Maybe it’s the fact that being so raw with our emotions while our hormones are holding us hostage embarrasses us? […]
Esther’s Recommended Read: Facing Death
I am guessing that when most of you go away on a tropical vacation, you probably bring along some fun, light, reading material to enjoy as you lie on the beach sipping a Mojito. Me? I chose to read about the dying process; not the kind we normally associate with dying -you’ve lived a long life, done everything on your bucket list and are now ready to go kind- no, my idea of ‘light’ reading is to read about people who have to face death square in the face way before they’re ready to- often via terminal illness which involves much anguish, physical pain, and unbelievable suffering. Yes, folks, this is how I spent one week of my ‘relaxing’ getaway […]
“Ask Esther”… Mean Girls
Question: Hi Esther, I have been reading you’re e-zine for many years. I have a question that I really hope you can answer and I’m sure many readers have dealt with it as well. My husband and I and 3 kids just moved to a different province 3 months ago. So that meant uprooting kids from school, friends and family. The 4 & 6 year-old boys have adjusted just fine. The 14-year-old girl has not. We moved to a small town where there are only 22 kids total in her grade. The first week was great! Everyone was very friendly and helpful and she even got invited to a sleep over birthday party in that week. And it’s been a […]
Hiding Out in the Canadian Desert
This month, I am hiding out in a small town in BC called Oosoyos, to escape severe seasonal allergies. I am still working full-time, but all over the telephone for the month of June. If you are already a client, please know that I will still be accessible via telephone and will check my messages Monday-Friday and also by email. And if you do opt for a phone session, I pay for the call and have an assistant to run payments through. Believe me, I don’t do this by choice, but out of sheer necessity. If you got my e-zines last year, you’ll remember that I spent June 2013 in Albuquerque, New Mexico for the same reason. This year, my […]
The New Mental Illness: “Googlechondria”
I’m not grandiose enough to believe that I invented the term, “Googlechondria”, but if I have, let me know how I can copyright it and make a bit of extra cash! This term came to me after seeing three highly anxious clients in one week who all assured me they were afflicted with some sort of highly complex physical or mental illness. When I applied some cognitive behavioral questions to their stories (in this case, it mainly consists of finding real evidence for one’s assertions), they all came up blank. Let me give you one of my favourite examples: Client: “I have a brain tumor and I’m dying”… Me: “When did your doctor give you this devastating news?” Client: “Well, […]
When Facebook Gets Tricky
There is one thing that pops up every day in my practise- something upsetting that happened on Facebook (here-on-in referred to as FB). Personally, I despise FB. I have tried it in earnest three times since its first appearance and each time gotten completely irritated and fed-up with the whole thing and unsubscribed. The first time I used it just for personal use and it drove me bananas. All the people I had not talked to nor seen in 20+ years were finding me and asking me to be their ‘friend’. At first, I said yes to every invitation, not wanting to hurt feelings and being mildly curious to learn about what they had been up to over the last […]
