Confession: I’m a self-help book junkie. One title that many of my clients refer to time and time again is The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman. I would nod my head sagely as clients told me what their ‘primary love language’ was and think to myself, “What exactly are those ‘love languages’ anyway? I must read that book.” Well, I’m happy to say I finally got around to reading it and I am so glad I did.
I had a hard time with some of the language as the author is also a Baptist pastor and has many religious references thrown in throughout the book which I’m guessing would turn off many readers, but I still strongly recommend reading it as there is some profound wisdom contained within about how to have a strong and loving partnership.
The premise of the book is that each one of us speaks a different ‘love language’ and that many couples fail to recognize each other’s way of showing and receiving love. When we can identify our own, and our partners’ Love Language, we can then learn to ask for the love we want, and also give our love in ways that speak directly to our loved one’s love language. I laughed to myself as I learned about each Love Language and realized that I am fond of all five Love Languages myself and had trouble picking just one! In fact, I’m pretty happy if my husband tries any of them! Either I’m confused or generally easygoing about how he shows his love for me…dunno. But I do know that even having a conversation with your partner about his/her Love Language is fascinating and builds intimacy.
The Five Love Languages from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book are:
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
2. Acts of Service
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.
3. Affection
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.
4. Quality Time
This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
5. Gifts
Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.
Find out what your primary ‘love language’ is.
