One thing that is very clear to me is that many of us are deeply conflicted about how to acknowledge, recognize and express our anger. This is even harder for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs):
In the following article and video, I share the concept of a ‘rant letter’ I came up with many years ago, in the hopes that you will find it a useful and life-changing tool to work with anger when it arises and enjoy some really positive outcomes as a result.
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion and if we listen to it’s message, it will always have something important to teach us.
Often, when we have moved through our anger, we realize that the person we were angry with is one of our greatest spiritual teachers.
*Side note: we don’t often like our spiritual teachers. 🙂
Tips before you start writing:
Make sure to do this exercise when you’re really burning up inside with anger and you feel like you might explode if you don’t get it out.
You may choose to engage in what I like to call ‘emotional foreplay’ by listening to your favourite angry woman song (Personally, I vacillate between a variety of Sinead O’Connor, Alanis Morrisette, and Melissa Etheridge tunes with great success in getting me ‘in the mood’ to write a rant letter).
Make sure you do this in complete privacy so that you can be totally free to express yourself and go with the creative flow (read Virginia Woolf’s classic: A Room of One’s Own if you want a primer on the importance of women and writing alone).
Go to great lengths to carve out at least one hour of complete solitude (i.e., put up the proverbial “do not disturb” sign on your door/phone/computer, etc.) and don’t come out until you’re completely done and feeling satisfied and at peace with what you got out.
Using some ‘white noise’ such as a white noise machine or app or even a loud fan can be helpful if you need to drown out outside noises and you want to avoid others being able to hear you screaming or cursing loudly.
Writing Your Rant Letter:
This “rant letter” falls into the category of the unsent letter and I strongly advise you not to put a stamp on it and mail it to its intended audience. I’m not suggesting that you not take direct action on an important issue if you feel strongly about it and want to be an activist in this area. It’s just that what I’m offering here is a warm-up exercise to getting to that point and should be used as such- sort of an ‘emotional brainstorming’ session for your eyes only.
Pick a topic/situation that is burning you up inside and making you boil with rage.
And then, the rest is up to you! Just let it all out…and I mean let it ALL out. That means writing and ranting until you can write and rant no more. Until you have felt the outrage, told the person/situation in question what you think and feel and what you want to do as a result, and finally feel lighter- maybe a bit spent because of all the energy you used- but drastically less angry than when you began writing.
This is the stage of the process where you may touch other emotions such as sadness and grief. Make sure not to ignore these but instead, to sit quietly with them and let them come up and out. You can continue writing with the new emotion that has emerged, or else just acknowledge it, sit with it like a welcome friend, and let it be.
Completing the Process and Coming Back to Center:
Lastly, I have found over the years in working with so many Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) that it is often very healing for us to end the process of letting our anger out to complete the exercise with connecting to our spiritual side and our connection with the larger world outside of ourselves. Some people term this God, the Universe, or even a Higher Power. If none of these feels comfortable to you, find something that does. Maybe it’s simply the natural world outside your door…
I find self-compassion meditations incredibly helpful in tying up such exercises. The other method that works is stating out loud or in writing a list of five things you are thankful for in your life.
